Wednesday, October 12, 2005

New York, NY October 12, 2005

New York City Consigliere, photographer, verbose blogger, manhattan honcho, Chris London's
: "STRAIGHT UP AND WHACKY" ......Tales and confessions from inside the Big Apple life of a'How you doin' kind of guy, a really long book detailing his verbose tirades on the web, his rise from bridge and tunnel obscurity to a fun and fabulous life as a New York Sex God, "alleged" hit man and otherwise dodgey character in a major pre-emptive deal (including TV/film rights) to Judith "Big Pussy" Regansiero at Joey Bag O'Donuts Publishing, by Paulie Walnuts of the Guido Literary Agency. Paulie Walnuts of Guido Literary Agents will represent foreign rights (for book sales outside the NY/NJ region), on behalf of Bag O'Donuts Books. Christopher Moltisanti gets his 10% because ....well like it is not like you really need to know do ya? Bag O'Donuts Books was presented with an offer that they could not refuse when the Consigliere stated "gimme ten million or else I start tearing out pages." So rather than risk a horse's head in the Publisher's bed, the sum of $10 million was agreed to.

Walnuts speaking on behalf of Bag O'Donuts books states: "If you axed me, I would tell ya we would rather have had that
Alex Blagg guy. I mean shiite, that dude can write but wat da fuck eh, it seems these days that you do not need an original or the genuine article to make money selling books, capische? Look at dat fat red headed broad who promotes herself, like the next Carrie Bradshaw on diet pills. Just another narcissitic Manhattan female cliche who deep down hates herself....and gets pissed when anyone pokes fun at her. The only difference between her and Lauren Weisberger is that some guys would actually like to put a little Devil in Lauren's Prada. Wat da fuck did this Consigliere do that Blagg did not? Well for one, he profiled the little red headed douche-bag a little more extensively, if only a year later. Sure he coulda been perhaps a little more succinct and maybe have a greater sense of humor like A Tale of Two Broads. An advantage in signing the Consigliere, however, is that each of his entries read like a freakin book so this cuts down on the publishing cycle. We could have this beyotch putting out a dozen books faster than you can say The Devil Writes Nada." The Consigliere, after thanking his numerous male and female fans (both of them actually) stated "I really do believe that my success is larely due to following the 10 minute blogging rule (and then multiplying it by 10), intricate use of index cards for each posting as well as sucking up or doning knee pads to service anyone who would help me get ahead."

The Consigliere goes on (as usual) to say, "I learned that strategy from learning how the Greek Tragedy networked a friendship/alliance with This Fish, after being introduced to her by a lesser known blogger, Ari Goes Down. You see, This Fish gets even more hits and more traffic than the Greek Tragedy blog and is actually ranked higher, but there is no need to tell anyone that, shush!. Ari was also ceremoniously dumped from the Tragedy's links because she is guilty of well not having as "pretty in pink" or tragically cliched a blog or persona. That's too bad but indicative of the self absorbed networking character of the zaftig red-headed douche-bag. Besides which once the wannabe whiney Diva met The Fish, who needs Ari anymore right? This Fish gets more hits than both of their blogs. The Diva figured out Everyone Worth Knowing well before the book was written on the subject by someone else."

Mr. Walnuts stated further, "besides, look this
Alex Blagg guy is all the way out in the City by the Bay and I am not leaving Jersey to get on a freaking plane to talk to some guy who writes like a wise guy but lives 3,000 miles away. The Consigliere is paisan, sort of like the Tony Soprano of the blog world, and you know what even if the boss is not the best writer, I know who greases my wheel. We need a male voice to counter these Chic Slit wannabe types who would be far better off if they slit their own throats than attempting to slit the throat of anyone who critiques them. Whacking them would be sort of superfluous (and that is a big word for me even) cause der freaking whacked already if you catch my meaning. In my opinion, da problem with some of these dem der broads is that it all comes back to the "SAU-Seeche." Perhaps if they were gettin a regular feeding of the good ole Braciole they would shut their freaking traps. Their mouths run on like a drippy faucet with the freakin clap. And what's with chics who name themselves after "Fish"? Isn't that the last label a woman wants associated with herself? Go figure.


Walking Contradiction said...

Yeah, you definatly are NOT obsessing over her or anything. GOOD LORD MAN. GET A LIFE. Or at least try seeing your doctor for some wonderful medication. I can't believe other people are saying how psychotic your getting! I mean, it's not like you have EVERY FREAKING post about the red head. I mean really. Come on. You have got to get on with things, and maybe try a post NOT talking about greek, fish, or even (ugh) chic slit.

Chris said...

Well Walking Contradiction, I would love to insult you, but I can't. I checked your blog and at least your Sports Sense is VERY ACCURATE. For that I give you a pass. You are certainly entitled to your opinion and no matter how disparaging, you showed some honor here. You identified yourself, stated your position and took the time to comment so your post shall remain. I am quite introspective and also very well aware of how posting more than once about such person may appear to others. But my answer to that is two fold (i) I enjoy tweaking her and her fans for the barage of hate mail I have gotten to date which is traceable back to a couple of people and (ii) I have never really lived my life with deep regard, concern or fear about what others might be saying about me. Not everyone is going to like me or agree with me and that is just the way it is. Some have even accused me of indirectly "helping her" by adding to the controversy surrounding her and that I must be a Judith Regan plant. So go figure. While that was not my intent, if she does sell a few more books because of it than I am actually not so evill. I rather think that she is behind stoking the fires on this front far more than I, but she cannot do it publicly or under her name, so she has surrogates do it or does it herself under anonymous names. While you may doubt me, I saw her do it to someone else when I was friends with her and received several frantic phone calls from her the day that Alex Blagg posted Profiles in Douchebaggette-ery on his web site. She rallied the troops, including me to attack his blog. Unfortunately I know all too well from personal experience that she is not what she appears to her fans. I watched her plan and take great glee in destroying a fan of her blog, who she thought was a bit too obsessed when the guy lived clear across the country with no connection to New York. DRAMA QUEEN.

Dave Lucas said...

Chris, Stephanie K may just be the American equivalent of XiaXue. Whatever your take is on these women and their blogs, you really gotta give 'em credit for clawing their way to the top. SK has the book deal, XX was on the cover of MAXIM and has snared several product endorsements. After all, fame IS fame... wish I had some ;)

I love your blog, Chris!

Chris said...

Dave, I concur about the fame and popularity aspect of this. What I was, however, hoping to do before I got sidetracked was to perhaps open a legitimate debate on the gender politics of the Chic Sliterary Bloggers like SK. The question is whether women who fabricate a persona of "urban sassy chic" trying to be the next Carrie Bradshaw and otherwise traffic contrived feminine cliches are really predators of women kind more so than any man. Feeding women to the left side of the bell curve these insincere angst ridden cliches prostitues femininity more than any escort, hooker or whore. They do not uplift anyone with their stories. There is nothing tragic about Stephanie's life. She grew up in surburban affluence, attended Columbia University, worked at a Madison Avenue Advertising Agency where she cultivated this persona and networked anyone who had traffic to their web site which at the time exceeed hers etc. She lives on the Upper West Side in the heart of Lincoln Center and spends her nights posing with her gal pals ala "sex and the city" in trendy west village night spots and the Hamptons largely for the camera. The idea that women who actually have real weight problems, career issues or problems with the opposite sex feel empathy for her is SAD. It is sort of like the Jimmy Swagarts of the world telling their parrishioners who were poor themselves to give and give until it hurts because there are poor people out there, while he drove around in Cigarette boats and hired dominatrixes. Similar here, the intelligentsia does not buy her or her book. The irony is that the very people who are her fans are people that she would never want to be scene with. And the people who critique her or think less of her art are the people she wishes she could have respect her work. I RESPECT COMPLETELY HER SUCCESS AS MUCH AS I THINK IT IS INSINCERE, UNORIGINAL AND DEVOID OF ANY SOUL. That she succeeded in filling the gaping void left by Sex and the City is to her credit. That she is not a bit more humble about her "cover art" is so typical. The foregoing being said, your blog is much better than mine. I am a verbose guy who does not follow any rules of writing except speaking mind until it hurts and offends. I DO NOT HATE THE GIRL even though that is what some people want to paint this as. s. Like many, I simply despise the art form and view it as predatory on the female class. It is, however,symptomatic of reality culture gone wild and a "me me me" culture of women bloggers particularly in New York City. The only exception being perhaps that "Mimmi of New York" is at least articulate and has a sense of humor about herself, which is why more men on the right side of the bell curve, have no issue with her at all.

Walking Contradiction said...

Okay Chris, first I got to give you credit. (well except for the last couple of sentances you left in your reply to me, which was a thinly veiled dig)

Your honest, and concise reply was apperciated, and I was in fact suprised that you did NOT mention the words, "greek, fish, or chic slit". You did very well in making your point of view known. I can admit that I like her writing. I am not ashamed of that fact, although I will add an exception to this as such:

I LOVE good writing of any and all types. Athough I think she is a VERY talented writer, and the fact remains that she has made some excellant $$$mulah$$$
because she can write well, I do think she can be full of shit. What I mean by that statement is that some of her stories are well... for lack of a better term at the moment, farfetched. Whether her stories are fabricated partially, wholly, or not at all, is obviously beyond me, because I have no connection to her whatsoever, and I would never like to. The only thing I can gather from her site is that, at least in my opinion, the girl can write.

Secondly, I will apologize to you, only for the fact that I insulted you as a person, which was not my true intent (I don't think it was, anyway, but I could be mistaken). My beef was that, even though I realize it is none of my business, (THE fact remains you put yourself ,as I do, out there for anyone to read a glimpse of your person), all I can see from you is "Greek this, Greek that, Fish this, Fish that, etc." and it looks on the outside like you have a agenda against a couple of certain people, and to an outsider such as myself, you seem like a stalker. I AM NOT calling you that now, even though I did beforehand, (hence my apology), my point IS that you are not representing yourself to an extent to which people such as myself can FULLY see your true person. If that is your intent, I say "GOD BLESS AMERICA", because that is why I love this country. Freedom. Keep on writing whatever. It is your choice, I just wanted to say that maybe you should try to "broaden the spectrum" a little bit.

And, THANK YOU for stopping by my blog, you are more then welcome to comment, or not comment, whatever, I say whatever floats you boat!

P.S. I forgot to ask you something. I noticed on your web site:

that you list her as a "contributing editor".

What's up with that?

Chris said...

Walking Contradiction. I agree with pretty much everything you said in this post. However, just fyi, what you interpreted in the last two sentence as a thinly veiled dig at you should have been clarified. It was not directed towards you. By surrogates, I mean a couple of people locally. I viewed your entry not from a surrogate as much as just someone who took issue with my positions and disagreed with me. There is nothing wrong with that. I flirted briefly with an alliance between my site and Stephanie Klein, who is a good photographer. I tried to integrate her interests socially with that of documenting certain events for our site. I do take umbrage with the fact that my critique on my little blog has been met with a barage of harassment from some obvious local sources, of which I do not include you. All because what? I critiqued a blogger. I severed all ties and ran in the opposite direction from a certain Drama Queen Blog Diva and thus did the opposite of stalking. In fact, when we were friendly she would email or IM me regularly and telling me to look at this really cool new post. Most of what she writes means nothing to me. But she has a deep rooted contempt for those who do not accept her which clashes with the need to have this pretty in pink image. Further, it is rather disheartening when there are real stalkers who truly abuse women for certain folks to flippantly throw around such terms. I genuinely have NO INTEREST in ever running into her and would go out of my way NOT to be in her company. I never found her company enjoyable in the first place. The company of certain blog women is rather contrived especially when their entire existence is spent around setting up and creating fodder for their blogs. Sort of like the scripted "reality TV"

Boogeywoogey said...

Hello again, Rover.
Chris' problem is... he KNOWS this woman Stephanie Klein. And he KNOWS that she is a fraud herself. So although you accuse him of deflection and diversion, it is YOU, Stephanie, and your band of idiots who are deflecting.

What? Afraid you will be exposed for the walking contradiction you are? Do you think anyone with half a brain or in New York buys your load of shit?

So keep on attacking Chris. He, unlike others who have given in to your internet assault, WILL keep on writing. He will not give up even though the rest are tired.

And that, my dear, is why you are so afraid of him and why you and your friends feel the need to come over to his little teeny blog and attack him. Why you feel the need to discredit him at every turn with baseless accusations that will eventually land you in a courtroom, on the losing side.

He won't give up because what is funny is that he is really NOT obsessed with you. He just KNOWS your GAME. He knows that you live for your Technorati rating and how you appear on Google. He knows that all you care about, Stephanie, is that you appear perfect to everyone. And that it REALLY BOTHERS YOU that he, this persistent fly in your soup, just WILL NOT DIE.

Well, Chris does not think you are perfect. He KNOWS you are far from perfect. He knows that you are a superficial, spoiled brat who thinks her feelings are more important than anyone else's and that the world has a responsibility to take care of you and your fcuked up self.

I have dated too many people like Stephanie. And I have had enough. And I am glad that Chris will not give up when many lesser men would have quit long ago.

Chris, this Rosebud is for you!

Chris said...

You "Roger" beyotch: I deleted your comment not because I am afraid of anything you have to say but more just because this has become a self serving masturbatory exercise for us both. Nobody reads this bull shiite. Nobody cares. Dude get a life. Maybe if you were hitting that little red headed snapper a little more often you would have less time to call me a stalker ("yawn") or obsessed (further "yawn"). Guys who run away from New York Blog Diva Cliches are "wise" men and not stalkers. You oughta spend more time shtupping the greek jap than worrying about me, unless you want to come over here, don some keen pads and be my beyotch. Cause honey that is all you are. Come get some sauseeche!

Walking Contradiction said...

Thanks Chris! Nice reply, and I see where I MISS- interpreted (sorry about that) what you where saying there, so I see your full point now. I understand what you mean, and I appreciate you clearing that up for me, which you did not have to do, you just have shown you are NOT what others are protraying you to be, (and I must admit, I fell face first into that mud-slinging shit pit as well...), and I am looking forward to seeing what your next post will be.

TO: Boogy Woogy
all I can say is...... uuuummmmmmmm.....
alrighty then.
(insert eye-roll here)

Walking Contradiction said...

yes, I meant to say were instead of where, (Boogy Woogy), I know you will point that out.....

Chris said...

Boogey: I appreciate your spirited defense of me from the attack of Roger, Rover, Phil or whomever. I deleted "Roger's" comment and...
Walking: I believe that Boogey was responding to Roger's deleted post. Again, I will randomly delete posts if certain clowns post anonymously without enhancing the dialoque or otherwise making any points grounded in any congruent sense of reality or reflective of a degree of thought beyond that of a Kindergartner or a man with a hard-on for certain blog diva's. The foregoing being said, I am certainly aware that everyone will not agree with me and will want to vent and insult me sometimes. That is ok. I permit and accept it as going with the territory of critique and dissent even while certain other blogs and bloggers are so caught up with their own image that they would never allow it and deem it unacceptable. In fact, it might even be grounds for calling out the National Guard, alerting the NYPD or the State Department. Everytime I think of that mindset, all I can say is ladies, just because you have a twat does not mean that you have to act like one ;-) Cheers

ROGER said...

Baseless accusations you say?Possibly me on a losing end in a courtroom?The one who would be on a losing end would be no other than Mr.London.He himself knows if his shady dealings and the fact that he misrepresents the true mission of his organization is exposed,he being an officer of the court that he would most likely be disbared from representing anyone or anything again in a courtroom as a lawyer.Especially if he perjures himself.Most judges or prosecuters would be salivating exposing him and his posse for who they really are and what their true intention is.I must say that would look great adding the word "DISBARRED" to an already attractive resume listing current employment status as "UNEMPLOYED LAWYER,WANNABEE SOCIALITE AND GRIFTER".Unfortunately this would not warrant any jailtime just some community service probably working in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter(He still would not considered a volunteer).What would be better punishment is a short stint in one of the city jails where his steroid enhanced muscles would be no match for an inmates raw strength from three squares,penal pushups and sittups, and a true desire to inflict pain on a loser like himself.Chris would be picked up and protected by one of the strong armed prison gangs made a bitch and be passed around to others in the prison population pleasing others for the cost of a couple of Newport cigarettes.I am sure he would be begging for a set of those kneepads he wishes everyone should be donning for him. Then maybe he will have become rehabilitated and start working pushing a broom or a mop for.25 cents a day.Then like most cons(by the way they all say they are innocent)after being released,return to the same cycle thinking he is much smarter than before he was incarcerated and try making a living using another angle. Never an honest one.

Chris said...

"Roger": this comment illustrates your complete insanity, which is precisely why I will leave it up indefinitely. It boldly highlights for anyone who reads this exactly where you are coming from. Did you expect to piss me or anyone else off with this post? Come on man get real. You have become the singularly least credible voice on nearly every blog that you have followed me around on. By the way, you seem rather familiar with that whole prison thing. You paint quite a vivid picture, almost seems that it come from first hand experience. But a thought my friend is this, if someone has essentially already succeeded with the book and TV deal, why care so much about critique or always seek to bring the dialoque back to that? Seems rather odd, that one would care about a couple of marginal voices from the peanut gallery. Your further obsession with my career and my "muscles" and outlining prison fantasies....I dunno man, maybe you actually hate yourself for liking me so much. But I am highly flattered by the steroid comment. This is my roid rage at present knucklehead ha ha ha.

ROGER said...

unfortunately my profession brings me up close to these types of unsavory characters like yourself.Its not the best line of work but its an honest living.I do know you will be there someday.Or as usual,just before you get caught you will move around once again and change your name again. It has become your standard practice.You have become a master at that.

Boogeywoogey said...

Rover... Take a look in the mirror. Now, open the medicine cabinet and take your anti-psychotic medicines. Good boy. Sit. Stay.

Chris said...

"Roger" you are a "joke" masquerading as riddle, the answer of which is already known even to a Kindergartener. Take a look in the mirror, this is a very public blog and I am very public person. I am not all ashamed of who I am, what I do and/or where I have been. Most who know me in this town know me as an open book, with and without my flaws. You have made yourself more than obvious in that the details which dribble from your rants are things that I intentionally confided into Ms. Stephanie Klein. I often "test" people who I do not implicitly trust and think have alternate agendas. You have illustrated repeatedly to me and others your symbiotic association or that you are her alter ego. Take your pick. You fool no one. I do not suspect that "Ms. Pretty in Pink" would ever show this side of the beast on her blog. Why? It is quite contrary to the persona which she has so deftly scripted, the branding of which she is obsessed with maintaining, critique of which must be stifled at any cost.